15 Paujal 26 A.C.
It has been 21 years since our return to a shattered, calamitous Ravnica—21 years since the fall of my beloved wife, Maeda. I… I had no choice. I had to end it. I had to kill her.
The memories weigh heavily on me: the years we spent searching for our children, trying to rebuild the bonds that had been broken. Natsumi, Seraph, Ryona, Lucilia… every one of them carries a piece of my heart. But will they ever forgive me for what I’ve done? For the choices I made in the name of love, and in the face of despair? I can only hope that time will heal what I cannot.
Maeda… how can I even begin to describe the storm of emotions she left behind? I loved her with all my heart. I loved her for her kindness, for the joy she brought into my life, for the way she lifted me up when I was at my lowest. She was my rock, my support in times of need, and for that, I will always cherish her memory.
And yet… I hated her. I hated her for introducing me to the drugs—the very drugs that caused me to miscarry, that still chain me to my darkest vices, even now. They became the poison that pulled me into the depths of my downfall. And the sex, the Moxen… the vile, unspeakable things that happened there. She was supposed to protect me. She was supposed to keep me safe. But she didn’t. Why? Why did she let me spiral? How could she stand by and watch as I destroyed myself?
But none of that compares to what came after. After we witnessed Momma Zumi sacrifice herself, Maeda changed. When we returned from the Tavern at Death’s Door, she withdrew from me, from us. Slowly, she started using my status as the leader of the Selesnya Conclave for her own gain. Her jealousy of my relationship with Xandor festered, twisting her into someone I barely recognized. She became a tyrant—a tyrant in my name. She tainted everything I had built, everything I stood for.
Is this what it means to be an angel? To carry this unbearable weight? To kill the ones I love in the name of something as hollow and twisted as justice? What a cruel word it is, justice—a veil for the terrible things we justify in its name.
What is justice, truly? Is it fairness? Balance? Or just a convenient excuse to break hearts and destroy lives while claiming righteousness? I can’t bear it anymore.
Sune… please. I’m begging you. Take it away from me. Strip me of this burden, this role. I don’t want to be an angel if it means losing everything that matters to me.
She was my greatest love and my deepest regret.
— Harumi